I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
