To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
