I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize