I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
