Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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