i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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