shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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