sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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