i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
