How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
