dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize