I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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