I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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