I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
