You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
