I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
