Where did you get a picture of my penis
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I want a musical about memes.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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