Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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