my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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