Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I need to sanitize my soul.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
