No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
