The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
