Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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