if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
