You're my little dorito
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
