nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He felt like a one man threesome
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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