Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Pappa wants mamma naked
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
