no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
