it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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