Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
