Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I pour the whiskey from now on
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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