I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize