Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Randomize
