I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My ATM looks so different sober.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
