my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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