...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize