is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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