You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
