she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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