i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
