It's Friday. Sex?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize