The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
