Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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