wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
