Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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