beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
