I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize