he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
