Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
try to milk me bitch
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