I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
