I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
