At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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