you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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