if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
