Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
