I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
