She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize