I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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