Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
