I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
