Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
