plz talk dirty to me
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
