New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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