Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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