She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
