We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
