the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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