I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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