My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
