WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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