i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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