On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he quoted the bible to break up with me
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
