well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I said "one day" and that day is not today
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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