the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
