So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
