Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
