you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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