Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
