saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
