I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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