I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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