I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
