Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
