Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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