Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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