im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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