You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
