Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
