Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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