I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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