mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
