Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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