Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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