Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
