I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
