We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
