I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
