well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
